Thursday, February 24, 2011

A Letter from my heart...


3 days ago, I meant to tell you “I am sorry for being grumpy at you last night when you pinched my nose, waking me up to tell me to be quiet" (I was snoring you told me) and you were just needing someone with skin on to help you feel safe as you laid in the dark, mind whirring too much to sleep…and I didn’t take the time to say those words because we were all cheerful about our Sunday – going to church, going to help friends move, going to get your new drum set that God had blessed you with. Then yesterday, when you felt so bad that the bad feeling overwhelmed you and for that brief moment – you went black – darkness in your mind overshadowing your heart and turned its angry vicious voice on your own being and then on me as the pain and despair poured out over both of us…(where does that come from?)…our day was gentle, peaceful, beautiful, successful till then … our love touched again soon after…but I wonder about the black, the bad feeling … did I make it bigger? Do consequences enlarge it, enrage it? You apologized as soon as your emotions subsided … we both forgave … but there still has to be consequences … consequences meant to teach, to train, to remind, to begin a new and healthier habit … I want to help, but my box doesn’t seem to have the right sized tools to repair the deeper hurt when it makes its way to the surface … do you understand? Do you hear my heart? I desire to be an example of kindness; consequences don't feel kind - to either of us it would seem!

And it is here that I hear God's whisper, that my toolbox has been fashioned by His love, and the tools inside, of repair and reconstruction, include consequences as well as
hugs,
faces touching forehead to forehead and nose to nose
and heart to heart,

smiles,
forgiveness asked for and granted,
words fitly spoken,
soon finding some small joy to be shared together
(yes, it CAN be ice cream with chocolate sauce as long as it isn't ALWAYS that!),
remembering grace,
practicing reconciliation,
expressing the warm embrace of deeper understanding,
unconditional acceptance that rightly values the person apart from performance,
the gift of time...

All these interject and bind My Healing Presence into the deepest areas of need.

And isn't all this, all part of My definition of kindness*, the fruit of the Spirit?
To provide that which is suitable and useful?
That which will allow for roots of love to grow deep and strong?


And in humble awe, my soul is on its knees...

*http://strongsnumbers.com/greek/5543.htm


Joining with other imperfects at Imperfect Prose Thursdays.

14 comments:

Brian Miller said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

smiles. i can relate to this...i let that darkness creap a little close at times...and once it passes it is so easy just to forget it ever happened but that just leaves the door open for it to happen again....thank you...

Crimson Heart Studios said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Hi Cindy, You have such lovely words in your post. Your artwork reminds me of my last few days with my daughter Annie. She was home sick. So we spent "mommy time" setting in the big chair together. This morning was pure torture getting her back in the "getting back to school" swing of things. Being a parent is the hardest job we'll ever love. Thanks for the print. I know I wasn't a winner. You are so kind. I will email you my address.

Tiffini said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

where did you come from? I LOVE your words girl. I got them. I am so glad you linked up and I got to meet you. I am coming back to check out more...I've got to go paint a sign..ugh:)
xo

Joybird said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Well thought out processing of what is frankly both a common and difficult situation. How do consequences and mercy work together? What does that look like in the nitty gritty? Thanks for opening a window for me to listen in and peer through at your heart.

Yvonne said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Lovely words and lovely art.

TALON said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Such a beautiful honesty here. Those dark moments lightened by love and understanding.

Your artwork is as beautiful as your words.

Cindy said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Thanks everyone - it is encouraging to read your comments, as you all know, it is risky to allow so much of one's heart to be open to the world!

Blessings,
Cindy

emily wierenga said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

you were just needing someone with skin on to help you feel safe

wow... i'm so glad you linked, friend. i'm following you now, you, and your incredible art and your thoughtful, tender words... thank you.

Eileen said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Great post. Beautiful, touching and very thought provoking. Good to meet you!

Tiffini said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

OK...I'm still loving the words...with skin on. Even as a grown up I still sometimes love the skin on kinda help:)
xo

Tiffini said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

OK...I'm still loving the words...with skin on. Even as a grown up I still sometimes love the skin on kinda help:)
xo

TALON said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Such a beautiful honesty here. Those dark moments lightened by love and understanding.

Your artwork is as beautiful as your words.

Joybird said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Well thought out processing of what is frankly both a common and difficult situation. How do consequences and mercy work together? What does that look like in the nitty gritty? Thanks for opening a window for me to listen in and peer through at your heart.

Crimson Heart Studios said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Hi Cindy, You have such lovely words in your post. Your artwork reminds me of my last few days with my daughter Annie. She was home sick. So we spent "mommy time" setting in the big chair together. This morning was pure torture getting her back in the "getting back to school" swing of things. Being a parent is the hardest job we'll ever love. Thanks for the print. I know I wasn't a winner. You are so kind. I will email you my address.